20 Dad Jokes Every Dad Refuses to Give Up

Author Hollywood Kyle

June 18th, 2020 9:58 AM

(Photo by Chaloner Woods/Getty Images)

(Photo by Chaloner Woods/Getty Images)
“Dad, did you get a haircut?” “No, I got them all cut!”
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(Photo by Luke Sharrett/Getty Images)
“Dad, can you put my shoes on?” “No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.”
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“How do you get a squirrel to like you? Act like a nut.”
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“Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.”
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“I used to hate facial hair…but then it grew on me.”
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“I had a neck brace fitted years ago and I’ve never looked back since.”
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“I ordered a chicken and an egg online. I’ll let you know.”
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“It takes guts to be an organ donor.”
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“Don’t trust atoms. They make up everything!”
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“Dad, can you put the cat out?” “I didn’t know it was on fire.”
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“Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.”
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“Why did the math book look so sad? Because of all of its problems!”
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How many apples grow on a tree? All of them!
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Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I’m not going to spread it!
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Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it!
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My friend says to me, “What rhymes with orange?”And I told him, “No it doesn’t!”
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Five out of four people admit they’re bad with fractions!
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Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, “Do you know how to drive this thing?”
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After dinner, my wife asked if I could clear the table. I needed a running start, but I made it!
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What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!
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FATHER’S DAY GIFT GUIDE

If your dad is outdoorsy…
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Fishing rod
If your dad dresses up for work…
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Tie
If your dad is always in the yard…
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Lawn Mower or other lawn equipment
If your dad is a music junkie…
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Guitar
If your dad is a grill master…
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Grill or grilling tools
If your dad complains he never has enough socks…
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Socks
If your dad is always late…
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Watch
If your dad still has a flip phone…
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New phone
If your dad is indecisive…
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Gift Certificate
Kamoti Shots Will Be Served In Delaware Bars
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Alcohol/Bottle of Wine
If your dad loves beef jerky…
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Jerky of the Month Club
If your dad loves to read…
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A Book
If your dad loves to be on the golf course…
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Golf equipment or round of golf
If your dad is a coffee/tea drinker…
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Mug
If your dad loves vinyl…
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Vinyl
If your dad loves gaming…
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Video game or console
If your dad is the life of the party…
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Hawaiian Shirt or Graphic T
f your dad loves food…
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Home cooked meal
If your dad is holding together his credit cards with a rubber band…
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Wallet
If your dad is always squinting outside…
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Sunglasses
If your dad loves to listen to music…
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Smart Speaker
If your dad loves family night…
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Board Game or Card Game
If your dad is always on the go…
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Wireless Headphones

Hollywood Kyle is the Digital Content Producer and Production Director of Mix 99.5 WJBR. Being a Delaware local, Kyle takes pride in his hometown and has had a love for music since a young age. Hollywood Kyle joins the Mix Morning Show for abstract thoughts and ideas during "Hollywood Kyle" segment around 9:40am Monday thru Friday.