100 of the Most Random Thoughts of Hollywood Kyle
Every day at 2:20 p.m. Johnny B is joined by Hollywood Kyle who comes in to “challenge the norm, state the obvious, and defy the laws of human nature.”
Today marks the 100th episode of Hollywood Kyle, so in celebration, here are 100 thoughts that do just that…
To listen to more of Hollywood Kyle, please click here.
Agriculture in the Underworld
ShareIf the devil has a pitchfork, and the grim reaper has a scythe, agriculture must be a major industry in the underworld.
Are We Alone
ShareAll answers to the question, "Are we alone in the universe?" are equally scary.
Vacuum Cleaners and Dogs
ShareMaybe dogs are afraid of vacuum cleaners because they're intimidated by anything that can do one continuous woof.
Baby Yoda
ShareBaby Yoda's first words probably came after his second word.
Two Mind Readers Meet
ShareIf two mind readers met, it would create a horrible feedback noise in their minds.
What Pavlov Didn’t Expect
SharePavlov probably thought about feeding his dogs every time someone rang a bell...
Urban Tumbleweeds
ShareRandom bags around the city are urban tumbleweeds.
Squidward
SharePeople don't realize the reason Squidward's music is so bad is because he is blowing water through the instrument, causing it to not work like it would with air.
Ashton Kutcher
ShareIn 6 years, Ashton Kutcher will be AK-47.
Walking Through Walls
ShareIf you woke up and had the power to walk through walls, it would take you a long time to realize.
Watching Paint Dry
ShareWatching paint dry on a microscopic scale would ironically be very interesting.
Yelling at Plants
ShareYelling at a plant to grow actually works, as you provide it with carbon dioxide needed for photosynthesis.
Youre Not Important
ShareIf they make you wear a wristband that says it, you're really not a VIP.
364 Days in a Year
ShareIf a year always had 364 days, birthdays would fall on the same day of the week every year. What's worse, Friday the 13th or Monday birthdays?
999 to 911
ShareThe original emergency number was changed from 999 to 911 to make it faster to dial on rotary phones, but with a cell phone 999 would now be faster again.
Superheroes
ShareSuperheroes probably just wear capes to hide the zipper on the back of their onesies.
The Invention of Urinals
ShareMaybe urinals were invented when a tall guy walked by a sink and thought "why not?"
As A Species
ShareAs a species we can travel vast distances in a few hours, we can combat disease, educate ourselves, but we still cannot deselect a floor on an elevator.
Assigned Seats
ShareA lot of people's lives are determined by where their teacher randomly assigned them to sit.
Thermometers
ShareThermometers are simply speedometers for atoms.
Human Straws
ShareSince there are 2 connecting holes on our body, we are technically straws...
Bubble Gum and Birthday Cake
ShareBubble gum and birthday cake are flavors in themselves, but actual bubblegum and actual birthday cake can be any flavor.
Burning Tongues
Share99.9% of animals will live their lives without ever knowing what it's like to burn their tongue.
Cannibals and Vegans
ShareCannibals would consider a vegan person "grass-fed."
Cereal Boxes and Dog Food
ShareCereal boxes come with toys every once in a while for little kids...Wouldn't this be a better business model for bags of dog food?
Children vs Adults
ShareAs a child, you used to get a lot of praise if you ate all of your food and took good naps. As an adult, people look down upon you for snacking and sleeping too much.
Circles
ShareA circle is a shape, a letter, and a number.
Cucumbers and Jellyfish
ShareCucumbers and jellyfish are 95% water. Therefore there is only a 5% difference between a jellyfish and a cucumber.
Matt Groening
ShareIt's rumored that Matt Groening could be a time traveler who created the Simpson's to warn us, and created Futurama to describe his own world.
Compliments
ShareYour parents calling you handsome is technically a compliment for themselves...
House Smells
ShareThe smell of walking into somebody's house for the 1st time is different for every single house.
Disney World
ShareSomeday archaeologists are going to dig up Disney World and think we worshiped a mouse.
Disposal of Garbage Cans
ShareThe only way to successfully throw away a garbage can is to stick a sign on it.
Hot Coffee
ShareDropping a cup of coffee usually wakes you up more than drinking it.
Dreams
ShareAll our dreams have really great graphics, but the whole physics system always seems to remain terrible.
Elevator Shafts
ShareIf it weren't for movies, the average person would probably have no idea what an elevator shaft looks like.
Facial Recognition
ShareIn an age of facial recognition surveillance and security, plastic surgery is going to be like a the new virtual private network.
Fast and Furious
ShareNot even once in the Fast and Furious movie series did they stop for gas.
Gravity
ShareGravity doesn't keep you on the floor. The floor stops gravity sucking you down to the planet's core.
Heist Movies
ShareHeist movies based on real heists make more money than the heist itself.
Gum Flavor
ShareGum doesn't become tasteless once you chew on it for a while, it just becomes the flavor of your mouth.
Harry Potter Tattoos
ShareIn the Harry Potter world, instead of a static image, you can probably get a gif file tattooed on you...
Heads or Tails
SharePeople will say the coin landed on heads, but in reality, the coin is landing on tails.
GTA vs Candy Crush
ShareWe live in a world where more than often, GTA is played by kids, and Candy Crush is played by adults.
Mars
ShareThere will eventually be one person who is born on Mars, grows up on Mars, and believes that Mars is flat.
How Snakes Kill
ShareSnakes kill in two ways: with hugs and with kisses.
Rock Paper Scissors
ShareRock, paper, scissors are commonly used for greetings. (Peace, wave, fist bump)
Made on Earth
ShareSomeday, products may have a "Made on Earth" sticker.
Touching Your Reflection
ShareIt is impossible to touch any reflection that isn't your own.
Passport Photos
ShareThey don't let you smile in passport photos because they want you to look the same as if you were standing in line at customs for an hour.
Memory Foam
ShareMemory foam doesn't remember us, it remembers itself without us, and when it starts to remember us, we throw it away.
Metal Rock Music
ShareMetals are extracted from rock. Which means it's not coincidental that metal music is derived from rock music.
MySpace
SharePeople who grew up with MySpace in their early teens kind of got a freebie in terms of your first major social media profile basically being wiped away.
Nightmares
ShareWhile we sleep our brains make up stories and then sometimes gets scared of them.
Nuclear Pizza Explosion
ShareDuring a nuclear explosion, there is a certain distance of the radius where all the frozen supermarket pizzas will be cooked to perfection.
Oh Yoda
ShareLiteral centuries to learn the Common Language Yoda had. Amass a wide vocabulary, he did. But bother to learn the basic grammar, he did not.
Old Folks
ShareThe old folks you see in retirement commercials are not actually retired...they are working, paid actors.
Old MacDonald
ShareThe song about Old MacDonald's Farm is truly depressing once you consider everything is sang in the past tense.
Olive Garden
ShareHave you ever taken the time to notice?...There is a serious lacking of olives at "Olive Garden".
Origami
ShareTechnically speaking, origami is a kind of woodworking.
Our Nose And Our Feet
ShareOur nose runs and our feet smell.
Outer Space
ShareWhen we think of Outer Space, we consider it to be futuristic, even though it's been there since the very beginning.
Lottery Tickets
ShareIf scratch off lottery tickets would cost 99 cents instead of 1 dollar, people would have 1 cent to scratch it off.
Patrick Star
SharePatrick Star was stupid because he lived under a rock.
Paul McCartney
SharePaul McCartney sang the first line on the first song on The Beatles' first album. And he also sang the last line on the last song on their last album.
Mario vs Luigi
ShareThe reason Luigi is believed to be weaker than Mario is because he's always player 2, and player 2 has traditionally been our younger siblings.
Where’s Waldo
ShareIf the illustrator of Where's Waldo wanted to give us a real challenge , he could have just left Waldo out of one of the books.
Pets and the Internet
SharePets have no idea that they are 90% of "the internet."
Photoshop
ShareThe creator of Photoshop would have had much more fun if they never told anyone about it.
Portrait Painters
ShareNobody would hire a painter who did portraits that made them look worse than they actually do. So if you've seen an "ugly" painting before, they probably looked worse in person.
Postal Service vs Internet
ShareThe internet both almost killed off the postal service with email, and then made it more needed than ever with online delivery.
Potatoes
SharePeople are so amazed by the fact that every snowflake is different, but nobody cares that every potato is unique.
Predators and Prey
ShareWhen a starving predator is chasing prey, they are both running for their lives.
Adult Things
ShareThey'll never tell you just how much time as an adult you will dedicate to figuring out whether to throw out a cardboard box or not.
Speechless
SharePeople who say they're speechless after an incident never seem to shut up about it.
Hey Stranger
ShareWe only say "Hey Stranger!" to people that we know.
Self- Driving Vacuums
ShareSelf-driving vacuums really do keep your house cleaner because they force you to constantly pick your stuff up so it doesn't get caught on something.
Singing Along With The Radio
ShareWhen you're singing along to your radio, you can imagine yourself a part of a chorus of thousands of commuters throughout your city.
Sitcoms Are Fake
ShareThe most unrealistic part of sitcoms is that 5+ people in one room will take turns talking.
Sitting and Standing
ShareIf you're sitting down and receive shocking news, you stand. If you're standing and receive shocking news, you sit.
Slow Walking Person
ShareIt only takes one slow-walking person in the grocery store to destroy the illusion that you're a nice person.
Sodas and Earthquakes
ShareYou probably shouldn't buy a soda right after an earthquake.
Penguins Love Too
ShareSome people find it odd that penguins give each other rocks despite us humans doing the same thing, just a little more fancy.
Spelling Bees
ShareSpelling bees are only common in english-speaking countries because english violates every phonetic rule in some way.
Dog Toy Story
ShareDog toys live a horrifying life in the Toy Story universe.
The Door
ShareThe door is the simplest device ever that still needs instructions on it.
The Legend of King Arthur
ShareThe legend of King Arthur pulling the sword from the Stone could have really just been extracting ore from a rock and making a sword out of it.
The Truth About The Movies
ShareYou may have never realized this, but before a movie starts at a movie theatre, it's really just a bunch of people sitting in the dark eating corn.
Sobering Up
ShareThe quickest way to sober up during a night out is to pat your pockets and not feel your phone.
Learning English
Share"Building a building" must be one of the most confusing sentences to understand when learning English.
Daytime and Nighttime
ShareWe associate daytime with the light from a single star, but nighttime with the light from millions of stars.
A Ball Will Never
ShareA ball will never "fall over."
The Purpose of Life
ShareIf the purpose of life is to live long, to do no harm and to help others to survive, trees are doing a pretty darn good job.
The Four Elements
ShareThe four elements (earth, water, air, and fire) coincide with the four states of matter (solids, liquids, gasses, and plasmas).
Scented Candles
ShareA scented candle store burning down would probably smell pretty good.
We Know Nothing
ShareMost people know so little that if they were transported 200 years into the past, they wouldn't be able to invent anything any quicker.
Watching Your Parents Grow
ShareWhen you're a kid, you don't realize you're also watching your mom and dad grow up.
Breading Chicken
ShareWhen you really think about it, using an egg to bread a chicken breast just isn't right.
Fidget Spinners
ShareIt kind of makes sense that the target audience for fidget spinners lost interest in them so quickly.
Google Earth
ShareOne day, somebody at Google literally convinced the entire corporation to have people drive down every road on Earth...
